Pointy Hats and Witchy Cats Read online

Blossom spun on her heel and stormed out.

  “If you fall asleep again I’ll set this treehouse on fire to get you out!” she called over her shoulder.

  She had issued that particular threat before, and it had about as much effect on me as it usually did.

  Still, once she was gone I slowly got myself out of bed. My body felt as if I had run yesterday, which was a joke. I didn’t do such things.

  I emerged into the warm morning sunshine with my stomach feeling a bit upset, probably just from nerves over this ridiculous impending wedding.

  The rain was gone. There wasn’t a cloud in the perfect blue sky. The sun was just starting to shine merrily, and it wasn’t too hot yet.

  It was a perfect day.

  As was common practice, Bailey had asked family to be part of her wedding. Not only that, but she had a plan for each woman in her wedding party.

  Brett, her foolish and intended, had three beautiful sisters, plus a fourth one named Mitsy, who wasn’t so pretty when compared to the rest of them. Or really, as compared to anyone. Unlike her sisters she was neither delicate nor the acceptable height of no taller than five feet four.

  Mitsy was pushing six one. She had thick thighs and sharp elbows. Everybody liked to make jokes at her expense. The fact that she was remarkably good at basketball was kept hush hush, because it wasn’t tennis.

  Bailey wanted Brett’s sisters in her wedding party to make sure they all had to wear the ugliest possible dresses to the wedding, and therefore not reach into the sky and steal her thunder.

  She was sure that if they were left to their own devices, the three beautiful sisters would do something horrible, like outshine her. I had overhead her telling Blossom that she was even worried that they might wear white.

  Mitsy was there because under the circumstances she had to be, but it was terrible because she wouldn’t fit into picture frames. Bailey resolved to make her wear flats, even though she knew it was an utterly horrible thing to do.

  Mitsy, however, was relieved.

  Then there was me; I rounded out the group of bridesmaids as the grunt work princess.

  For example, after I was dressed and as ready as I’d ever be for this wedding, Blossom demanded my help with something.

  “She can’t find the right shoes,” Blossom hollered through my closed bedroom room.

  What she meant by that was, “Hey, can you come help Bailey try on some shoes?” Or in Blossom-speak, “Get your butt out here now and carry crap that would only fit the feet of fairies.”

  An hour later we were running out of time, and Bailey was glaring at me as if it were my fault, even though I’d spent the last hour crawling around on my knees trying to help.

  “Guests will be arriving soon,” said Blossom, puffing on a cigarette.

  “How many people are coming to the wedding again?” Bailey asked me.

  “Five hundred,” I said as I hurried to keep up, my arms full of shoes. Now it was Blossom who was trying on shoes for the big day, even though it now was the big day.

  Blossom shivered with pleasure.

  None would be the right shoe.

  They hadn’t been the right shoe the last three times.

  This time wouldn’t be any different.

  “How happy are Bailey and her fiancé?” she asked.

  “The happiest couple in the world. Everyone is jealous of them,” I said.

  “Very good,” she said. “How much did the wedding cost?”

  “Talking about such things is vulgar. There’s no price on Bailey’s dream day,” I said.

  “Is the seating arranged for the representative from Perfect Bride Magazine?” she said.

  “They have the best seat at the closest table not for family,” I explained.

  “Excellent. I want you to make sure the food they are served is perfect. The service has to be perfect. Everyone has to be perfect. I won’t have my Bailey receive a bad review from them,” she said.

  “Of course,” I agreed.

  She stopped and looked at me, her eyes filled with pity.

  “If only you had different hair, different eyes, and a better nose. If you also lost some weight around the arms and ankles you might actually pass for attractive,” she said.

  I dropped the shoes, spun around, and stomped away.

  Definitely time to check on the cake and sample the food. After that I’d have just enough time to return to the bridal suite.

  As we assembled to push Bailey off the cliff, I mean join her wedding, Mitsy came over to sit with me in the plush upstairs sitting room that was never used, where I had been hiding out.

  When Blossom moved in, she redecorated the room as her sitting room. Then she proceeded to spend all of her time in her dressing room.

  The windows had a great view of the back grounds. The pastels of the furnishings were perfect for a bridal magazine shoot, which is what Bailey had spent all morning doing.

  Since she didn’t like me, I hadn’t had to be involved.

  “Morning,” said Mitsy as she came over to me. Her strawberry blond hair was a mass of ringlets and she was wearing an ugly maroon lipstick. “My sisters helped me get ready. It was easier than doing it myself. It’s not as if I care if they make me look like an ogre. I thought I’d like this lipstick color more than I do, though,” she said ruefully. “May I join you?”

  I was sitting on the sofa, at the end farthest from where Bailey was giggling with Brett’s other three sisters.

  I was far enough away so that they could feel they were speaking privately, but not so far that they thought I was trying to escape.

  Through the sunny window I had been watching the guests arrive, and daydreaming.

  “Of course,” I waved my hand at the sofa and Mitsy sat. Then she fidgeted. Her pea green dress did not look comfortable.

  “I wish this dress weren’t so itchy,” she said in a low voice.

  We had been commiserating for weeks. She knew she could trust me not to repeat her complaints.

  I nodded and shifted. My own pea green dress was tight in the hips and shoulders. “It’s not the most comfortable,” I agreed.

  “How did you fit into yours? Did Bailey have suggestions?” Mitsy asked.

  I rolled my eyes. “She suggested I look up ways to appear thin. I don’t want to appear thin. Pretty doesn’t mean thin. I want to appear pretty, but I’m not going to hide. She’s the one who picked out these hideous bridesmaid’s dresses.”

  Mitsy giggled.

  “She doesn’t want to be outshone,” I added.

  Mitsy smirked. “I hadn’t thought of that. I shouldn’t be surprised, crazy lady that she is.”

  Bailey’s sharp eyes, chin, and personality turned our way. She could detect happiness and pleasure like a firehose on a blaze.

  She snapped her fingers at us.

  “Doesn’t she realize how hard it is to sit down and stand up in this thing?” Mitsy asked. She was holding a glass of water in a plastic cup and having a hard time balancing with it.

  “Yes,” I whispered back.

  Outside, music was just starting to play. Guests were still arriving. Blossom, who could never miss an opportunity to schmooze, had gone to greet them. But soon she’d be back to help Bailey put the final touches on her outfit.

  With great effort, I got myself to a standing position, then took Mitsy’s glass of water from her so she could do the same. I tottered and Mitsy limped over to join the four hawks. I felt uncomfortable as I sat down again.

  “So glad the forecast cleared up. I’m not remotely surprised that it did for your big day,” said pretty sister number two.

  “Yes, my mother assured me it would. But now I’m a bit concerned that the sun will actually be too hot,” acknowledged Bailey. “I tried seventeen deodorants, though, and I think I’ve found the perfect one. Not that I sweat much,” she hastened to add.

  “How did the pictures for the magazine turn out this morning?” Mitsy asked.

  “They were perfect. Th
e photographer wanted to stop early, but I informed him that we had to take pictures for the full hour. Otherwise how will we know if we got the shot we need?”

  Bailey looked at the teacup in front of her. She was the only one not drinking something; maybe she thought she could absorb the taste of lemon through magic.

  Pretty number three opened her mouth to say something. No doubt she also planned to comment on the weather, but before she could, Blossom bustled in.

  “It’s time! Everyone is here! They’re getting seated!” she said.

  The other girls looked relieved that they no longer had to make fake conversation.

  Everyone was getting up to go to their places when something happened that only I could sense. Just as Bailey was just putting on her veil, my fingers started to tingle and I had the same sick feeling that I’d had in the morning. I didn’t know why, but I knew with an utter certainty that I had to leave the room as quickly as possible.

  So I did.

  Blossom gave me a strange and dirty look as I quickly followed Mitsy out of the room.

  The wedding was about to begin.

  Chapter Three

  The music played. I walked down the aisle, and the world had never felt so surreal. My father was giving Bailey away. As far as I was concerned, if that was the only way to be rid of her, it was fine with me.

  Brett stood waiting. He was a good-looking and kind of hapless individual, but his bank account was large, so I figured Bailey would be happy enough with him.

  As I walked, my eyes stayed trained on the back of Mitsy’s ill-fitting green dress, and I thought about the fact that there were five hundred people in attendance, nearly all of whom were strangers to me.

  Needless to say, Bailey and I didn’t run in the same social circles.

  The whole thing felt other-worldly. There was a blur of faces, and I tried not to squint into the bright sun. All I wanted was to not trip as I walk down the aisle.

  The day was perfect, but Bailey was right; the weather was a little warm. I promised myself that after this day, even I could leave and never come back.

  Then again, it was just getting good with Bailey about to be gone from the premises. She had stayed on, living with her mother until she married, but now it was time for her to live with Brett.

  Mitsy had been the first close family member to walk down the aisle. We had been placed furthest from Bailey, since she didn’t want either of us in the picture that would be taken after she and Brett said their vows.

  It was getting warmer, and I was sweating. I thought idly that I should have asked Bailey which from among the deodorants she had tried was the magic one.

  To add to the oppressiveness, the wind was starting to pick up. My eyes kept flitting to the crowd as if I were expecting someone, but there was no way I should have been.

  Then I remembered my dream!

  I had totally forgotten about it in the fake wedding excitement, but now it came crashing back on me.

  Images of the smoldering guy and his responsible sidekick suddenly filled my mind.

  Why didn’t guys like that exist in real life? At least these thoughts entertained me during the boring vows part.

  Just then a ripple went through the crowd, and my thoughts were wrenched back to the present. The vows were happening, and I figured Bailey had probably said something cute, or at least something that the guests thought they were supposed to consider cute.

  Bailey had decreed that she and Brett would write their own vows, but from what I knew of Bailey, that only meant putting several Hallmark cards together and calling it good.

  Another ripple went through the crowd. This time it was clear that the ripple was one of discontent, but that was too strange to be true.

  What could anyone possibly have to be discontented about at Bailey’s wedding?

  I glanced around and indeed, something strange was going on.

  The priest was still speaking.

  Bailey’s smile was frozen in place.

  Brett still looked happy, but he probably didn’t know any better, or else why was he marrying Bailey?

  A glance at Mitsy told me that she was thinking the same thing I was.

  The crowd was still seated, but the bride and groom no longer had their undivided attention. Some of the guests looked a bit concerned, but I still had no idea why.

  Then something moved in the air. Sitting on top of the tent, in the background, were several birds that appeared to be watching the proceedings with interest.

  Why that annoyed me I didn’t know.

  Bailey would probably say that even the birds wanted to see what an epic wedding hers had turned out to be.

  Just then a gust of wind drew my attention away from the birds. Their feathers ruffled, but they didn’t budge.

  By now things were so obviously strange that Bailey had given up and just stopped smiling.

  The priest noticed the glare and started to read faster.

  The wind was picking up even more.

  Up above, a massive cloud was moving in on the sun. Pretty soon the perfect day would be blotted out.

  I felt a tug at the back of my head that turned out to be my hair coming loose. The wind had gotten that strong.

  I glanced at my dad to see how he was taking it.

  To my extreme surprise, he looked furious. His face was white and his nostrils flared. Blossom had a hand on his knee as if she was trying to restrain him.

  Something was terribly wrong.

  Next to me Mitsy shrugged. She knew something was up, but she wasn’t about to move in case Bailey decided that was what had ruined her wedding, and she tossed Mitsy into a manure pit, or worse, made her hang out with them some more.

  Just then cries went up. The birds took flight. The cloud reached the sun, and a pall of gray swept over the proceedings.

  Bailey couldn’t contain her fury and started to curse.

  The priest looked surprised and concerned, while Blossom looked around in bewilderment.

  I shivered. The dress was suddenly not warm enough.

  Another cry erupted, but this one was different; it could best have been described as an angry screech. It was followed directly by several tiny explosions.

  On the hedge next to us, colored smoke curled into the air.

  Near the gazebo there were more puffs of smoke, and I saw a few more around the back side of the tent. The birds were still entirely unruffled.

  My father shot out of his chair despite Blossom’s restraining hand.

  Bailey started yelling at the nearest person, who was Brett.

  Suddenly there was movement in the back of the crowd, and a small figure darted forward, running up the aisle toward Bailey.

  She looked awfully funny.

  It wasn’t until she was halfway to the wedding party that several details registered. The woman was wearing an old brown skirt and striped stockings. She had a strange hat on her head, and her gray hair was knotted over her shoulders. Somehow she still managed to look poised and regal.

  In short, she looked terribly out of place.

  “What on earth is going on?” I heard Mitsy breathe.

  I was wondering the same thing.

  Then a terrible thought struck me.

  Was the strange woman going to hurt Bailey?

  But it was too late for me to do anything about it. Just at the last second before the woman careened into my stepsister, her eyes swerved.

  They locked on me, of all people.

  Her body turned a split second later, and she was coming right for me instead.

  Now everyone was truly shocked.

  The old woman came to a halt in front of me just as my father rose out of his chair.

  I had never seen him look so angry, but the old woman wasn’t looking at him.

  “There you are! I’ve been looking everywhere for you! Nice treehouse, by the way. A little cramped. Come on, not a moment to lose!” She started to run again, then realized I wasn’t following her. Again sh
e skittered to a stop, turned back, and frowned. “Hello? Earth to you! Come on!” she cried.

  My father had looked like he was about to come over to me, but he had noticed something else to occupy him. I had noticed it too.

  It was as if I were watching a movie and everything was happening at once. The tallest, strongest, most square-jawed-looking man I had ever seen was striding up the aisle of Bailey’s wedding, flanked by several other individuals who looked like they ate nonsense for breakfast.

  For a split second I didn’t recognize him. Then I noticed that his perfection was marred only by a slight limp, and I knew.

  Bailey’s invitation list had been about equally divided between the genders. So, about two hundred fifty men and two hundred fifty women. They were all looking at him, limp be damned.

  Out of the corner of my eye I saw Bailey’s mouth hanging open slightly.

  Okay, so two hundred fifty-one women were looking.

  Bailey’s eyes were glazing over, so maybe she was reacting in part to her wedding vows having been turned to chaos. Far be it from me to say.

  The man with the limp was literally the man of my dream, if not the man of my dreams. I gulped. He had come tearing into my subconscious only last night, sniffing around the wedding venue even then. The scar across his lip had been sexy, and his scowl had done something to my insides.

  He was the one who had come storming and crashing through my sleep, cute in his own mysterious way.

  My knees were definitely weak.

  My stepmother had told me that much.

  Wait for a man who makes your knees weak. So long as he drives a Ferrari.

  So had my current weak-kneed state been caused by seeing him, or by the realization that whatever strange event had occurred the night before had been real?

  As smoldering good looks strode toward those of us at the front of the tent, my heart hammered. One of the pretty sisters literally swooned. Her other sisters let her fall to the ground in a pea-colored heap.

  It wasn’t as if a few grass stains were going to make the dress uglier.

  Not until the man with the limp had gotten halfway to the bride and groom did I realize where his eyes were.

  They were on me too! Just like the odd woman’s!